Avoid the “savior” trap
It is important to understand that our role is not to “save” a person in distress, but rather to accompany and support them. Laurie Hawkes, clinical psychologist, psychotherapist, and author of “The Art of Thinking in a Distracted and Violent World” (Ed. Odile Jacob), emphasizes that this approach is not universal and that it is essential to respect the autonomy of the individual in distress.
By trying to save the other person, we risk imposing our own solutions on them and not taking into account their specific needs. It is therefore crucial to listen and not try to control the situation.
Active listening: a valuable support
Active listening is a key element in supporting a loved one in distress. Laurie Hawkes warns against “hyperempaths,” who can be so affected by the other person's suffering that they end up becoming the ones who need comforting. It is important to find a balance between empathy and self-preservation in order to be able to provide effective support.
Practicing active listening means being attentive to the other person's emotions and needs, without trying to impose our own solutions. This involves asking open-ended questions, restating the other person's words to show understanding, and respecting moments of silence.
Adapting our reaction to distress
It is normal to have emotional reactions when faced with a loved one in distress, but it is important to adjust them to the situation. We should not minimize the other person's suffering, give unsolicited advice, or try to solve their problems for them.
Instead, it is essential to show empathy, encouragement, and kindness. Expressing our presence and support, without judgment or pressure, allows the person in distress to feel understood and accompanied.
Addressing the issue of inadequate help
If we are the ones receiving inadequate help during a difficult time, it can be tricky to address the issue with our loved one who, despite their good intentions, is making things worse. It is important to communicate our feelings and needs assertively, using phrases such as “I feel…” or “I need…”.
It is also possible to suggest alternatives, such as seeking professional help or participating in a support group. The key is to remain open to dialogue and not to question the other person's intentions, but rather to help them understand how they can assist us in a more appropriate way.
In conclusion: the importance of listening and adaptation
When faced with a loved one in distress, it is essential to prioritize active listening and adaptation to the situation. Our role is not to “save” the other person, but to accompany and support them while respecting their autonomy and needs. In case of inadequate help, it is important to communicate assertively and propose alternatives to improve the quality of support.
By adopting these attitudes, we will be able to provide genuine comfort and contribute to the well-being of our loved ones in distress, without exhausting ourselves or aggravating the situation.
How can I identify if a loved one is in distress?
To identify if a loved one is in distress, pay attention to their behaviors, such as social withdrawal, sadness, irritability, changes in appetite or sleep, and expression of negative thoughts. It is important to communicate with your loved one and ask them questions about how they are feeling to better understand their situation.
How can I know if I am comforting my loved one?
To know if you are comforting your loved one, pay attention to their reaction during your interactions. If they seem more relaxed, appreciate your presence, and share their emotions with you, it indicates that you are providing comforting support. Don't hesitate to ask them directly how they are feeling and if they find your help useful.
How can I avoid making things worse for a loved one in distress?
To avoid making things worse, adopt an empathetic and non-judgmental approach. Actively listen to your loved one, respect their feelings, and avoid minimizing their situation. Offer your support and encourage them to seek professional help if needed. Do not force your loved one to talk if they are not ready, but assure them that you are there for them.
Maximilien Descartes est un rédacteur chevronné spécialisé dans les FAQ, avec plus de quinze ans d’expérience. Diplômé en journalisme de l’Université de Paris-Sorbonne, il a commencé sa carrière en écrivant pour diverses publications en ligne avant de se concentrer sur la création et la gestion des FAQ. A travers son travail, il s’efforce de fournir des informations claires, concises et pertinentes pour faciliter la compréhension du lecteur. Lorsqu’il n’est pas en train de peaufiner les moindres détails d’une FAQ, vous pouvez le trouver en train de lire le dernier roman de science-fiction ou de parcourir la campagne française à vélo.